Noah Today

By- Vincent Romano

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In the year 2016, the Lord came unto Noah,
who was now living in America and said:
“Once again, the earth has become wicked and over
-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me.”
“Build another ark and save 2 of every living thing
along with a few good humans.”
He gave Noah the blueprints, saying:
“You have 6 months to build the ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights.”file:///data/data/com.lge.email/data/Messaging/Data/Email/753705667/
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard – but no ark.
“Noah!,” He roared, “I’m about to start the rain!
Where is the ark?”  “Forgive me, Lord,” begged Noah, “but things have changed.” “I needed a building permit.”
 
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“I’ve been arguing with the boat inspector
about the need for a sprinkler system.”
 

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“My neighbors claim that I’ve violated the
neighborhood by-laws by building the ark in my
back yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the local Planning Committee for a decision.”
 

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“Then the local Council and the electric company demanded
a shed load of money for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the ark’s move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear none of it.”

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“Getting the wood was another problem. There’s a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the Greater Spotted Barn Owl.”
“I tried to convince the environmentalists that I
needed the wood to save the owls – but no go!”
 

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“When I started gathering the animals the ASPCA took me to court. They insisted that I was
confining wild animals against their will. They
argued the accommodations were too restrictive and
it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in
a confined space.”
 

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“Then the Environmental Protection Agency
ruled that I couldn’t build the ark until they’d conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.”
 

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“I’m still trying to resolve a complaint with the
Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I’m supposed to hire for my building crew.”
 

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“The Immigration Dept. is checking the
visa status of most of the people who want to work.”
 

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“The trade unions say I can’t use my sons. They
insist I have to hire only Union workers with
ark-building experience.”
 

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“To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I’m trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.”
 

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“So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10
years for me to finish this ark.”
 

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“Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine,
and a rainbow stretched across the sky.”

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Noah looked up in wonder and asked,”You mean you’re not going to destroy the world?”file:///data/data/com.lge.email/data/Messaging/Data/Email/753705667/
“No,” said the Lord.
“The Government beat me to it.”
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